Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
vagina is talking i cant
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
