Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
