Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
