when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
