Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
