I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize