I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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