You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
