i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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