So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
did i just pee glitter
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