You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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