just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
