I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
