He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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