Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
