she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Terrible idea I love it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
