Too much gin, very little bucket
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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