Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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