Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
