I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Let's get the cat blown out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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