Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
