i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How naked do you want me to be?
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