Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
