Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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