why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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