The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
