brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
