Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
