I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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