please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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