If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
