Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
