Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
