i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
