Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
