he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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