If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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