I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
