you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
