Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
