I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
