Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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