i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
