her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
