i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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