she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
