It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
