I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sext me about skeletons
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
