where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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