I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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