You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
