i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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