I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
