someone threw a dead crab at me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
