i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
