I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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