no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
