y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
