VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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