I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
