I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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