omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
