Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
